


never thought i'd meet you here (it could be love)

by playthetyrants



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Also some fluff, F/M, Life Day (Star Wars), Oops, Some angst, Star Wars: Original Trilogy Era, also Leia gets quite sad sometimes, the very slightest mention of almost assault, this also changes POV, this was supposed to be a Christmas fic, we visit the same day over the span of a few years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28446579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playthetyrants/pseuds/playthetyrants
Summary: Leia finds herself lingering her gaze upon Han's face for a moment, as if she might see another hint of an emotion flicker in his eyes. Fortunately Han doesn't seem to notice, instead staring off into the night sky for a few moments before speaking again. "Happy Life Day, by the way."She snorts before she can stop herself, shaking her head and turning away as Han jerks his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. "What? No holiday spirit for you?"Leia can't help but grin, covering her mouth with her palm and staring fixedly at a group of soldiers on the ground beneath them, walking towards one of the barracks on the outskirts of the makeshift base. Han sits in silence, and she can feel his waiting eyes upon the side of her face before she's dropping her hand back into her lap."Fuck Life Day."or, a glimpse into how Han and Leia spent their Life Day holidays during the original trilogy.
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	never thought i'd meet you here (it could be love)

**Author's Note:**

> hellooooo! long time no see. i have a full time job now so...you can imagine all of the time i do not have. 
> 
> this started out as a Christmas/Life Day fic and then spiraled into something that isn't...quite that? but still is? i'm not even sure anymore, i'm just glad i'm writing again. 
> 
> it isn't terribly long, but i felt like i got what needed to be said written down. i tend to have a problem with rambling on anyway! 
> 
> each new "section" is labelled with a different location and year in bold text. i also switch POV between Han and Leia as it goes on, but it's pretty evident right off the bat who's who when you get to reading. 
> 
> this story takes place over the span of a few years, all exploring the same holiday; Life Day, or the SW equivalent to Christmas. i hope you enjoy!
> 
> title is lyrics from Taylor Swift's song "cowboy like me" from her album evermore, which is my new Han/Leia anthem.

**ALDERAAN, 1 BBY**

Life Day on Alderaan was probably Leia's favorite time of the year.

Call her childish, or old fashioned, maybe; holidays just gave her something to look forward to throughout the year. She loved the change in the weather, and the decorations that went up around the palace. As soon as was deemed socially acceptable by her mother, she began draping her own bedroom in gaudy decorations that made Breha cringe and Bail laugh.

There were lists to make; presents to get, food to request for the feast, and Leia loved to be kept busy. She grew afraid very quickly that the palace staff was getting annoyed with her constant presence and willingness to help out, but they reassured her constantly that the help was always welcome. Most of them (and even herself, deep down) believed that Leia would grow out of it the older she became, but even at age 18 she found herself whizzing around the palace, doing everything she could before she made herself impossibly late to get ready for the banquet.

That had been hours ago. Now, Leia felt like running through the halls and tearing down every single piece of awful Life Day decor that she possibly could.

Night had fallen long ago; the air was humid and hazy out on the balcony of her bedroom, and Leia felt the collar of her dress sticking uncomfortably to the back of her neck. She refused to touch it; frankly, she'd been frozen in place for the last several minutes, staring blankly out over Alderaan's bright city lights, imagining the conversations other families were having inside their own homes.

She'd bet her entire life's savings that none of them came close to the one she was currently having with her parents.

"Leia?" Breha's voice was too soft, too quiet, too apologetic. Leia hated it at the moment.

She remains silent, her hands still resting on top of the stone railing and she rubs her thumb along the smooth, cold side. What did her mother want her to say?

_The war is starting? Good._

_Alderaan's in danger? Perfect._

_You two are the top targets of the Empire and probably won't last the next few weeks? Fantastic._

The thing was, Leia had known about this impending war since she was 16. She'd stumbled across it on accident and her parents hadn't really had much of a choice but to include her in on everything. She'd resented them at first for keeping her in the dark, but Leia would give anything to be that naive and clueless again. Ignorant bliss was a much better option than having to face the fact that you may be spending your last moments with your only family members at any given point in time.

The reality had finally begun to sink in; everything was becoming more concrete, more clear. If Leia looked up at the night sky for too long, she'd start seeing phantom shadows of ships that weren't there, start hearing the high pitched cry of TIE fighters swooping in to get her.

That was no way to live; now, she had no choice.

Leia feels her fingernails begin to scrape uncomfortably against the stone just as her father's hand comes to rest on her shoulder, a gentle pressure that momentarily brings her back to her senses. She inhales a slow breath, listening as her mother's timid footsteps approach her other side and softly make contact with her head, brushing against her delicately placed braids.

"This has to happen, sweetheart." Bail's voice sounds strangely numb, as if he's trying to convince himself of that. Leia feels her throat clench up.

_No it doesn't. It doesn't have to be us. It doesn't have to be the two of you. Why couldn't someone else have risked their neck for this?_

She knew the answer already. No one else in the galaxy was as foolish and as brave as her father was.

Leia closes her eyes then, taking a moment to absorb everything all at once. Her mind raced with the words of her parents, speaking of "imminent war" and someone named "Vader" and "dark times ahead" and she pretends, just for a moment, that she hadn't heard any of it. This is just another Life Day, her favorite time of the year, smiling down at the planet she would someday soon rule.

When she opens her eyes again Alderaan looks dimmer already.

But if this planet had taught her anything, it was that being weak wasn't an option.

All Leia can do is lift her fingers from the railing and reach her arms out on either side to her parents, finding their hands and gripping them tightly. She still doesn't have words, but she isn't sure she'd be able to find any if she tried. Bail and Breha seem to reciprocate and squeeze her hands back, a silent communication that ultimately ends the one way conversation.

So, the Empire was ready now. 18 years it had taken for them to gather themselves, and they were set to conquer the galaxy in any way possible.

Well, the Empire had never met Leia Organa.

**YAVIN IV, 1 ABY**

Yavin IV wasn't exactly the prettiest of planets.

Objectively, Leia couldn't really complain; she was alive, wasn't she? Just yesterday she'd been riddled with the fear of being blown to bits by the Empire, and today, hours before, she'd performed a medal ceremony in a white gown.

A gown, she thought bitterly, that had a tendency to itch just about everywhere.

Leia had gotten rid of it as soon as possible, escaping to her private room on the base in order to exchange it for the loose, comfortable shirt and pants she was wearing now. She'd kept her hair up, simply because she didn't want to mess with the braids and partially because it reminded her of home.

_God, Leia. Not now._

In order to escape the influx of people from the ceremony, she'd managed to find her way up to the top of one of the large buildings on Yavin, a sort of lookout post that had since been abandoned and had a nice view of the entire base. It fit perfectly at the top of one of the stone pyramid buildings, a little scenic cutout with balconies that Leia could sit comfortably on and let her feet dangle from.

A strange feeling had settled in her chest, heavier than sorrow but lighter than dread. In all honesty Leia had no idea what she was feeling, which made her even more upset. She wasn't sure why, but at the moment the only thing she wanted in the world was to be left alone, and this spot had been the best place she could find.

"Well! Long time no see, Princess."

_Fuck._

And if there was only one person in the world that she didn't want to see, it was Han Solo.

She hears the older man's heavy footsteps approach her from behind, echoing loudly in the stone stairwell and she sighs, although not loud enough for him to hear.

"What, no partying tonight? Thought you royals loved that."

Leia doesn't say anything, simply raises her hand to her left eye and rubs absently at it with her palm. She feels exhaustion sitting like dead weight on her bones, a sore reminder of the fact that she hasn't been able to sleep in the last two days.

"Tired?" She resists the urge to roll her eyes at Han's unending questions, lowering her hand and keeping her gaze forward.

"Always am," she replies, more weariness than the bitterness she'd been aiming for coming through. Han stays quiet, but Leia doesn't see him motion to leave from her peripheral. Instead, to her horror, the man takes a step closer and sits down on the pale stone floor beside her, his boots scraping and dragging against the rough surface.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" Leia's sharp (and rude) comment doesn't seem to phase the man; she isn't surprised in the slightest. She's not sure anyone in the galaxy could make Han do anything. She turns her head to face him, feeling herself starting to scowl and the older man merely smiles in response.

"Not really, Princess." He stretches his legs out so that his feet are hanging over the edge of the precipice, rolling his ankles back and forth a few times. "I don't know about you, but I think I'd like a little time to relax after everything that we've been through."

Leia furrows her brow at his use of 'we' but doesn't dwell on it for long. "You know the Hutts have people everywhere. Jabba's probably got you tracked here on Yavin already." There's a flicker of something that resembles fear that crosses Han's face then, and Leia is so startled by it that she nearly misses it altogether.

The older man lifts his hands up in a nonchalant way, shrugging his shoulders before dropping them again. "Let him come," he replies smoothly, placing his palms on the floor beneath them and leaning back slightly. "I'll be gone before he knows it."

Leia finds herself lingering her gaze upon Han's face for a moment, as if she might see another hint of an emotion flicker in his eyes. Fortunately Han doesn't seem to notice, instead staring off into the night sky for a few moments before speaking again. "Happy Life Day, by the way."

She snorts before she can stop herself, shaking her head and turning away as Han jerks his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. "What? No holiday spirit for you?"

Leia can't help but grin, covering her mouth with her palm and staring fixedly at a group of soldiers on the ground beneath them, walking towards one of the barracks on the outskirts of the makeshift base. Han sits in silence, and she can feel his waiting eyes upon the side of her face before she's dropping her hand back into her lap.

"Fuck Life Day." Leia sits and waits for the sound of Han's obnoxious cackling, for a smart remark or chastising her use of bad language but none of it comes. She's almost convinced he didn't hear her, but they were the only two people up here and the air on Yavin was about as silent as could be.

She doesn't dare turn to face him, instead tilting her chin back up and staring at a group of stars in the sky, feeling her cheeks begin to burn in embarrassment. Thank the gods it was dark.

Several more moments seem to pass in between them before Han finally stirs in his spot, pulling his long legs up back towards his body.

"You're absolutely right about that," he murmurs in response. "I never liked the holiday, anyway."

An uneasy heaviness settles into Leia's chest then, seeming to compact her lungs and make it harder to breathe. She closes her eyes briefly, feeling the stinging begin to start and she swallows thickly, digging her index fingernail into her palm.

_Not now. Not here._

"Some people just don't have much to celebrate, you know?" Please stop, Leia thinks desperately. Han's voice is awkward but soft, and she can tell he thinks he's helping. "I sure as hell didn't when I was growing up. And when the Empire came to be...well, did any of us really have anything to be happy about?" He pauses as if reflecting on this. "Mercy, maybe. Or just our sheer luck of not getting on their bad side."

Leia resists the urge to suck in a sudden breath, feeling the tightness in her chest begin to worsen. She squeezes her eyes shut even tighter, eliminating any source of light out of her vision.

_Don't think of them. Don't think of home. Don't think of any of it. It doesn't exist anymore._

Han's voice sounded strangely muted now. "It doesn't feel right celebrating right now, which is weird but true." Leia swallows again, and this time it tastes like bile. "We won the war, but...look at everything we lost in the process." The sad tinge to his words makes Leia want to throw up. "It doesn't seem like a fair trade sometimes."

In an instant Leia sees a flurry of images suddenly dance across her mind; memories no longer hazy, no longer being repressed and she nearly gasps from the severity of it all. This day, a year ago, with her mother on one side of her and her father on the other, both of them laughing and smiling and watching her unwrap presents that no longer exist, that never mattered in the first place, and she feels the ghost of her mother's hand on her hair and her father's lip pressing a kiss to her temple and then suddenly Leia is sobbing, right there on the roof of the building and she can't bring herself to stop.

She knows it's embarrassing and deep down she can feel the sting of it somewhere in her body, but the horrible heaviness in her chest has begun to spread through her limbs like ice in her veins. Leia finds herself involuntarily bringing her knees to her chest like a child and burying her face into them, hot tears beginning to leak through her closed eyes and onto the fabric of her pants.

_They're gone. Alderaan is gone. The Empire wiped them out in a single moment and they're never coming back._

Arguably, Leia hadn't had much time to process this fact; she'd been fighting to stay alive and working to win an entire war for the last week or so. Now that the waters had calmed, she'd been left to her own devices again and had immediately thrown herself into work.

One day, she knew that all of those feelings would bubble up to the surface and rear their ugly heads at her. This was fair; she knew she couldn't live in ignorant bliss for the rest of her life.

What wasn't fair was the fact that it was happening now, all so soon, and all in front of a man as infuriating as Han Solo.

Leia couldn't see him now with her face buried into her knees, but she hadn't heard him get up to leave. She would've done that, she realizes grimly. What did she owe to this man to stick around while he cried his eyes out?

She feels her rapid breathing being stifled against the rough fabric of her pants again and she opens her knees slowly, allowing her head to hang in between them and it helps, inhaling huge gulps of air as if she were drowning. Leia opens her eyes and stares at the stone beneath her, a couple of stray tears slipping off her nose and landing there.

She could've sat there like that for hours, her spine stretched and her neck craning awkwardly downward and maybe she would have, would have stayed there until morning came and wiped her eyes once before marching downstairs to get back to work.

Instead, she felt the gentle touch of Han's hand appear upon her back, right between her shoulder blades. She feels his palm pressed against some stray hair that's fallen from her braids and before she can react she feels it begin to move slowly back and forth, up and down against her shirt.

"Just breathe."

On any other day, in any other situation, Leia would have probably reached around and smacked his hand away, would have made a sarcastic remark at how much of a genius he was, why hadn't she thought of something as simple as breathing?

But on any other day, in any other situation, Han wouldn't be speaking as soft as he was now, and his rough hand wouldn't be rubbing up and down her back with such a gentleness to it she'd have almost convinced herself she was making it up.

Her coping mechanisms didn't involve Han Solo; he was simply in the right place at the...right time. Or wrong. She wasn't sure which one yet.

So instead of doing what she does best and running her mouth, Leia simply listens and continues to take deep breaths between her knees until her head is no longer swimming and she can see past the tears in her eyes. Han's hand eventually stops after her breathing has evened out enough to satisfy him and he pulls away, the silence between the two of them as deafening as the Death Star explosion that had shattered the Empire just a couple days before.

"Thanks." Leia's voice comes out short and almost irritable, which she internally kicks herself for but if Han takes offense or even notices, he doesn't react.

"Don't mention it." She hears him begin to stir in his spot, his boots scraping roughly against the worn stone before he's standing and she lifts her head up to meet his gaze, her neck straining in the process.

"Where are you going?" The words escape her mouth before she can stop them and before she can even begin to feel embarrassed she catches a glimpse of Han's face and stops entirely.

He's got his hands on his hips, staring down at her with a furrowed brow and a frown that seems to perfectly curl the edges of his lips downward. She can't tell if he's heard her question or not; he simply holds her gaze for several moments, scanning her face with hazel eyes that make her feel almost naked in his presence.

Never in a million years.

"Back to the Falcon." Leia hums in response and somehow manages to break their gaze and turns her head back out towards the overlook, scanning the forest line for the shiny exterior of Han's ship.

"Don't get lost on your way over there," she replies nonchalantly, and she can hear Han give a heated grunt at that.

"I'll be fine. Try not to miss me too much." Leia grits her teeth at that and reaches a hand behind her before flipping him off, shaking her head.

"You do one good thing for me in your life and now you think I'm swooning. Your little party trick doesn't work so well on me." Han lets out another disgruntled noise at that, louder this time.

"Don't worry, Princess. I'm not wasting my tricks on you anyway."

His footsteps fade away with such a quickness that Leia finds herself sitting there for several moments afterwards, wondering idly if the entire exchange between them had been some sort of fever dream. She raises a palm to her forehead before tilting her face back up, glancing wearily towards the sky glittering with stars.

_Good. The sooner you're out of here, the better._

**HOTH, 3 ABY**

Han had never been a fan of the cold.

Corellia had always been on the warmer side; it wasn't a dry desert like Tatooine, but the somewhat humid climate had always kept him warm as a kid. Even at night, temperatures never dropped much. He was content with light layers of clothes and slowing above his blankets at night, the moisture in the air almost comforting in a way.

Hoth was the opposite of that. Hoth was hell.

Han's hands had never been considered smooth; too much work growing up and sometimes now it felt that his blaster was permanently glued to his palm. But as he peels off his thick gloves once more to examine the bright red callouses smattering across his skin he can't help but heave a sigh.

Of all the shit you've been through, you can't handle some snow gloves? Really?

He'd rather keep them on, but the feeling of the rough fabric against his raw skin was driving him insane, even with alcohol in his system. It wasn't much, but he figured if he kept going he'd start forgetting about the pain and the cold altogether.

Han silently curses whoever's bright idea it was to serve their drinks in metal containers before he picks his up again, lifting the drink to his lips and swallowing. At least the freezing metal soothed his hands slightly.

Despite the crowd of soldiers clambering around the small space, Han still feels strangely separated from the rest. He's got men and women alike all but clambering over him to get more alcohol, all while talking and laughing to other people that aren't him. He doesn't mind much; he isn't that drunk yet and frankly, he doesn't really plan on getting that way.

He takes another small sip and stares absentmindedly at a poor excuse for a Life Day tree that someone had carved out of some ice in the middle of the room; the only thing available on this godforsaken planet. The worst part is that Han is absolutely sure he's seen worse before.

The energy in the base is happy for once; as much as Han wants to blame the drinking for that, he knows that deep down this holiday was the sort of release they all needed to wind down. As close as the Empire was to finding them again, they weren't on their doorstep yet. If Han had learned anything so far from his time in the Rebellion, it was to take what little moments of joy you could find. Sometimes they took you a long way.

Han shifts his weight against the ice wall he's leaning against, his boots scraping against the floor as he does. Chewie hadn't had any desire to join the festivities and had holed himself up in the Falcon, claiming he had "things he needed to check out" despite the fact that the ship had been grounded for weeks now, and gods only knew where Luke was. Han couldn't keep track of the kid for longer than a few hours now, which didn't seem to concern anyone else so he'd just started letting it slide.

Strangely enough, he hadn't caught sight of Leia all evening, either.

Despite the influx of people weaving in and out of the small room, Han is still taller than most and he cranes his neck slightly to glance around, eyes darting across different heads to try and find Leia's signature braids. Sure enough, he spots her all the way across the room, a tiny thing in a white snowsuit; and uncomfortably surrounded by 3 other men.

He furrows his brow at that, taking in the scene for himself as he straightens up in his spot. Leia is all happy smiles and loud giggles, with a metal cup in her hand and sitting on an ice ledge against one of the walls. The 3 soldiers sitting around her all have unfamiliar faces; must've been some of the new recruits that they'd picked up last week. They all held drinks in their gloved hands as well, but Han could tell straight away they were much more sober than their commanding officer.

He's crossing the room before he can even decide to do so, elbowing past people probably a little too roughly and right before he reaches them he sees one of the men reach out to touch Leia's hair, and a panicked look flashes across her face for the briefest moment.

"'Evening, Princess." The 3 soldiers all look up at him at once, and Han is pleased at how they seem to blanch in his presence. Leia is the last to glance upward, blinking at him with slightly glassy eyes.

"Han," she replies curtly, swaying slightly in her spot. Han watches one of them reach out towards her waist to steady her balance and he smiles a little too sweetly, swirling his drink in his cup.

"Well boys, I think I'd better take Commander Organa to bed. She's looking a bit tired." Shut your mouth, Han thinks almost instantly, noting the way Leia frowns at his words, probably struggling to come up with a smart remark to make.

The two men on the ends seem to comply, backing up slightly before standing up but the one closest to Leia's side doesn't falter, still staring up at Han with a cocky sort of look in his eyes.

"The commander and I were having a good time before you arrived," he replies coolly, and Han watches him place both hands on either side of Leia's waist, keeping her still. "Weren't we?"

Han doesn't remember doing it; one second he's standing there, and the next the guy is on the ground with blood pouring out of his nose and Han's hand is throbbing, curled up into a fist.

"HAN!" Leia's voice has somehow managed to jump up an octave and he merely shakes his hand out in response, still frowning down at the soldier on the floor. The rest of the room had suddenly coalesced behind him, pointing and gasping and some even laughing.

The other two men had disappeared into the crowd; smart kids, Han thinks to himself before kneeling down beside the man on the floor, watching him flinch almost immediately and bring a hand up to his nose, more blood seeping through his fingers.

"If you ever even think about touching the princess again, I will break a whole lot more than just your fucking nose."

He doesn't get more than a panicked sort of whimper and a nod as a reply, but Han wants nothing more than to get the hell out of there with Leia in tow.

"Come on," he says quietly, turning his head towards Leia before reaching out and taking her hand with his bruised one. Surprisingly, she grabs on without arguing and before anyone can say anything to him he's out the door and into the night.

He's thankful it isn't snowing; the sky is clear and the stars light the pathways well enough for Han to make a clear beeline to the bunkers. Leia's gloved hand is awkward to carry but she holds on regardless, following his large strides with quick steps. He uses his free hand to pull a keycard out of his jacket pocket, swiping it quickly before the front door slides open and he's pulling Leia inside the semi-warm space, turning to face her just as it shuts again.

"What the hell was that?" He isn't exactly yelling at her but the anger in his voice is still there, and he fully expects Leia to start screaming back at him, enraged as she always seemingly is.

Instead she just stands there, not even meeting his eyes and blinks a few times at the ground. She seems to have sobered up rather quickly in the time it took to get away from the party, no longer swaying on her feet. Her eyes look lost, as if still struggling to process what had happened and Han crosses his arms over his chest, planting his feet against the floor. "You've gotta be more careful, Princess."

Leia jerks her head up at that, eyes narrowing slightly at the use of her nickname. "I can take care of myself, you know," she snaps back, and Han can see the way her cheeks are still slightly flushed from the alcohol. Or maybe it was the cold.

"Oh yeah? They why'd I have to come rescue you from those guys just now?" Leia groans at that, shaking her head and crossing her arms now, matching his posture.

"How do you know they were going to do anything?" Han grits his teeth, feeling his hands involuntarily tense up into fists again.

"Trust me, I know what they wanted to do. I grew up with people like that, saw it happen way too many times." He continues talking before Leia can interrupt him again, dropping his arms. "The one kid had his hands all over you, it was disgusting."

Leia clenches her jaw in response, looking almost pained before she speaks again. "Maybe I wanted that!" Han rolls his eyes, tilting his head towards the ceiling and wondering how she'd grown so goddamned stubborn. "Maybe you're just jealous they weren't your hands!"

_Goddammit._

Han meets her eyes again at that, taking in her now pinker face, further flushed with anger. She still has her arms crossed over her chest, her snowsuit bunched up and creased at the elbows. Her usually pristine braids seemed to have started falling apart, stray wisps of hair hanging around her face and forehead. She still has her jaw set defiantly, as if challenging him to say something in response.

Just say it, Han. You're always sneaking glances at me when you think no one's looking. I'm not stupid.

"You're infuriating," he says angrily, lifting a hand and pointing a finger at her face. "Consider this your one and only free saving from me. I won't be there next time it happens."

He turns on his heel before he can see Leia's face, nearly stomping out of the place as he goes. He hears her yell angrily behind him, her voice echoing amongst the heavy room.

"Oh how will I ever survive without you, Captain?"

_How indeed?_

**ENDOR, 4 ABY**

Endor is silent.

Leia didn't think she'd ever live to see the day that happened; this moon had a palpable energy to it, always buzzing with energy and teeming with life so adamant on being known that it came across in a constant buzz of noise. Whether it was the sound of Ewoks talking or bugs chirping or the rough breezes that intertwined their way through the forest branches, Leia had always found comfort in the constant commotion. It gave her something to focus on other than herself, other than whatever the hell had been going on since the war had ended exactly a week ago.

Unfortunately, when Leia had awoken in the middle of the night from a bad dream, she'd been greeted with an unpleasant silence. Her mind took no time at all to make note of this, and now she had nothing to do BUT focus on herself.

Leia finds herself fidgeting against the mattress again, pulling up the comforter even further up her chest. Her bare shoulders are cold, and she shimmies down slightly until she's able to fully cover herself. She blinks once at the metal ceiling of the Falcon above her, barely visible in the dark room. Any chance of sleep had now been lost; she wasn't even sure what time it was anymore.

Beside her, as unconscious as could be without actually being dead was Han, his bare back turned to her and his face halfway buried in his pillow. Leia could have reached over and strangled him.

She didn't get it; how was he able to sleep so goddamn soundly after just a week? Even so, he hadn't had much trouble sleeping before tonight and neither had Leia, but she'd blamed it on the pure exhaustion of fighting a constant war for several years. Once she'd reached that point, the couple had slept for nearly a full day following the Battle of Endor.

But now? Leia was having trouble closing her eyes at all.

The nightmares weren't as awful as ones she'd had before, which she was extremely thankful for but they still unnerved her to the point where she couldn't fall back asleep after having one. Most of them were abstract, nothing too realistic but perhaps that's what terrified her about them. The vagueness of it all still left her shaking and panting, waking up night after night with the inability to remember what she was even panicked about in the first place. It didn't seem fair, yet somehow deep down she knew that it was.

Maybe this was the price she got for surviving.

Leia sighs and lifts her hands to her face, rubbing her palms against her eyes deeply. The dull pain helps her focus again, dropping her arms back down against her body before turning her head to face Han's back again. He's still fast asleep, his shoulders rising and falling rhythmically as he breathes and Leia can't help but reach out and make contact with her fingertips.

His skin is warm, soft as always and she traces imaginary patterns along his freckles with a ghost like touch, careful not to wake him. The motion soothed her, and she found herself slowly moving her hand upwards to trace along a scar on the side of his arm, near his shoulder, feeling the smooth scar tissue beneath her touch.

He'd gotten it on Corellia when he was younger, barely a teenager, Han had told her. It was his first real fight with someone, and he'd ended up getting grazed with blaster fire on his arm. Leia had been surprised to hear him admit that he'd been too cocky back then, had let his arrogance convince him that he was ready to take on anyone. He'd told her that the scar still humbled him to this day, and Leia had replied that it didn't do its job very well.

Once Leia realizes sleep wasn't coming to her anytime soon, she carefully got out of bed and tiptoed out of the room and into the hallway, Han's shirt hanging to her mid thigh as she walked. The Falcon had been hard to maneuver in the dark at first, but she'd spent more than enough time on it now. She and Han basically lived in it now, since Endor wasn't exactly fit for humans and she had no desire to dwell in old Empire bunkers. The living situation was temporary, but Leia didn't mind it at all. She had Han; that was all she needed.

She finds herself wandering thoughtfully for a few minutes, lost in her own head until she ends up in the front cockpit and smiles softly at the two pilot's seats. Outside the window the forest is dark, and normally Leia would feel a bit spooked but right now she's surprisingly at ease, climbing into Han's spot and pulling her knees up to her chest.

The Falcon had haunted her after Bespin; as soon as Lando had gotten her back to a safe Rebel base she'd fled the ship as soon as they'd landed and hadn't looked back. The mere sight of it had made her nauseous for months while Han was gone, and even once they'd figured out where he was she still couldn't face it.

Leia reaches up and rubs her eyes wearily at the thought of it all again; she'd never felt so lost and alone than she had back then. It felt so long ago, yet at the same time the memories stung just as bad as if they'd happened yesterday. Trauma was weird, and apparently she has quite a bit of it according to a particularly annoying medical droid she'd seen recently.

'Let yourself grieve, and mourn. You cannot keep all of these things inside of you. Let them out so you can move on and free yourself from those burdens you have. It'll do you no good to let things fester. If it helps, I'd recommend you talking to Captain Solo about everything.'

"Leia?"

Leia's snapped back to reality at the sound of Han's voice coming from the doorway, raising her eyebrows in surprise and turning the chair slightly.

"Han," she breathes, letting her legs drop. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, you didn't. Just rolled over and realized you were gone." Leia watches the older man sit down across from her, dressed in nothing but a pair of dark blue cloth pants. He barely looks awake, running his hand lazily through his hair before yawning and leaning back slightly, surveying her with hazel eyes. "What's going on?" he asks quietly, his voice still thick with sleep.

Leia shrugs a bit in response, her toes skimming the metal floor beneath her. "Just woke up and couldn't fall back asleep. Came out here to sit." Han nods once at that, leaning slightly against one of the armrests.

"Another nightmare?" Leia averts her eyes at that, taking sudden interest in her fingernails in her lap.

"I mean...yeah," she says shortly after a moment, and sees her foot starting to bounce anxiously. "Nothing too bad, though." She reaches up and scratches her neck awkwardly, still keeping her gaze down. "It's fine."

There's a long bout of silence that stretches out then, one that seems to fill up the entire Falcon. Leia bites back a sigh and closes her eyes, pressing her thumb against the inside of her palm.

"Can I say something?" _Not like you've ever asked permission to speak before,_ Leia thinks to herself, but she's slightly amused. She lifts her head up and blinks at that, taking in Han's serious face before nodding once.

She watches him sit up then, getting out of his seat before walking across and kneeling down in front

of her own, placing two large hands on either sides of her legs carefully.

"Leia...I want you to trust me." She furrows her brow slightly at that, tilting her head to the side.

"I do trust you," she murmurs, and Han gives her a feeble smile in return.

"Enough to talk to me about how you're doing?" Leia grimaces at that, shoulders falling slightly.

"I want to, Han…" She sighs again, reaching down and grabbing a hold of his wrists gently. "I do, I promise you." She pauses again, chewing on her bottom lip. "I just...I'm not good at talking, you know that. I can't ever figure out how to get my words across."

It was true; Leia could rattle off political speeches like it was her job (which, technically it was) but as soon as someone asked her to start talking about her feelings, it was like she was suddenly illiterate. No amount of time in the world was enough for her to break down her own psyche and properly formulate sentences that described what she was experiencing. She'd been like this for as long as she could remember; it used to drive her parents crazy.

And Han knew this too; thankfully, he wasn't the type of man who liked to sit down and talk about his feelings either, but Leia saw a softness in his eyes that she'd never seen before tonight. He rubbed up and down her legs gently for a moment before he met her gaze again.

"I know," he says softly, and Leia watches him straighten up a bit. "I'm not great at it either, but uh...well, I'd like to try it out. Maybe it'll help you in the future." Leia can't help but widen her eyes in surprise at that, blinking rapidly a few times.

"Seriously?" Han smirks at that, letting go of her legs before sitting on top of his legs, still kneeling on the floor.

"Yeah. But you're not allowed to laugh at me, okay?"

Leia cracks a smile at that and nods, leaning against the back of her chair and pulling her hands back into her lap.

"Deal," she says, and Han takes a deep breath before beginning again.

"I don't...feel like myself anymore." He pauses for a moment, looking thoughtful. "The war, all the constant fighting, living in fear for so many years...I didn't realize how badly it was screwing me up."

Leia feels her face fall at that, watching Han's face contort slightly with pain. "I figured, I'd spent most of my life on the run from people who wanted me dead. What's a little bit more?"

She can't help but reach out for his face then, cupping his cheeks in both of her hands and forcing him to look up.

"Han," she murmurs, feeling her heart ache painfully in her chest. She can feel him lean into her touch slightly, closing his eyes for the briefest moment before he opens them again and looks at her.

"I feel so out of touch, so lost all of the time...except when I'm with you."

Leia stares at him, feeling Han reach up to gently grip her wrists before continuing. "You're the only constant I have. You remind me of what I've won, despite everything we lost. Despite it all, I'm here and I'm alive and so are you, Leia."

It's true; too often she forgets the simple miracle of being alive at all. The war had taken so much from her, from everyone around the Galaxy. It had been hard to recognize just how lucky it was to still be breathing, to still exist and to still have the people she loved at her side when her life felt like it was constantly going at light speed. Now that it had all stopped, she'd been too dazed to stop and remember.

Leia swallows thickly, feeling Han reach out and take her own face in his rough hands before planting a kiss on her nose and smiling softly. "I don't want to go through the rest of this life without you." She feels herself blush at that, sliding her hands down his neck to rest on his shoulders.

"That's a relief, because I don't plan on leaving your side ever again." Han laughs softly and kisses her forehead once before turning his head slightly, flaming out towards the dark forest outside.

"Do you know what time it is?" Leia raises a questioning eyebrow, feeling Han let go of her hand and watches him stands up.

"Uh...no idea. Well past midnight, I'm sure." She finds herself leaning over towards the front windows, checking to see if she can spot one of Endor's other surrounding moons to try and gauge a timeframe. Han doesn't seem to notice, instead turning and disappearing down the hallway towards their makeshift bedroom.

Leia leans against the back of her seat again and waits in confused amusement, listening to his footsteps grow louder against the metal floor as he jogs back, carrying something in one of his hands.

"Well, if it's past midnight that means it's technically Life Day now." Leia groans at that, slamming her palms against her eyes in exasperation after Han shakes a little wooden gift box towards her.

"I haven't gotten you anything!" she snaps, and Han snickers at that before returning back to his chair.

"You'll just owe me one then, Princess." Leia scoffs at that, dropping her hands and shooting him a dark look before reaching out and taking the box out of his waiting hand.

"We'll see about that," she grumbles, glancing down at the object in her palm. It was small, barely big enough to fit anything in it, but the intricate designs carved on the sides were enough to render her speechless. Little planets, stars, galaxies decorated the dark wood, all carefully etched out in the grain and Leia gapes at it for a few moments.

"This is beautiful." The older man had an affinity for carving wood when he was bored, but she'd never seen anything like this. Han didn't respond, but she could feel his pride emanating off of him in waves. She didn't have to look up to see his smile.

Leia would've been content with just the box itself, but she'd heard something rattling around on the inside when she'd taken it from him. Carefully, she reaches down and takes the square lid off the top and nearly drops everything as soon as she does.

"Han…" Leia feels her breath catch in her throat and her heart starts pounding rapidly all at once, blinking down at the shiny silver ring with a delicate little diamond shining up at her.

_Oh my gods. This isn't happening._

She barely even registers Han's hands on her own, carefully taking the box from her and he takes the ring out gently, holding it carefully between his thumb and index finger.

_He's proposing. Right here. Right now._

Leia isn't even sure she's alive anymore, still unable to breathe and her mouth hanging open almost stupidly as Han gets back down on his knees on the Falcon's floor, visibly more flushed now.

"Leia…" You don't even have to say it, Han. You said it all before.

Yes. A thousand fucking times, yes.

"Yes!" She throws her arms around his neck before he can even open his mouth again, leaping out of her chair and onto the floor with him. They nearly topple over but Han holds her steady, laughing in her ear.

"You sure?" Leia covers his face with kisses, from his forehead all the way down to his chin before pulling away slightly and smirking at him.

"Does that answer your question?"

**CHANDRILA, 5 ABY**

Han is pretty sure he's never been more exhausted in his entire life, and that's saying something.

Morning is nearly here, creeping through the curtained windows of the bedroom like spilled wine and he's able to slowly calculate that he'd gotten just about half an hour of sleep before the sun had decided to wake him once more.

His body aches as he tries his best to stretch out from his uncomfortable position on his side of the bed, his feet hanging off the edge as he slowly begins to turn himself onto his side. He hadn't really taken the time to get himself comfortable before he'd passed out; all that had mattered was making sure Leia was okay.

She was; she was perfect, sound asleep with their tiny, newborn son laying on her chest, his eyes closed and lost in his own peaceful dream.

The last 24 hours had been a hazy blur to Han, most of which he was sure would come back to him once he'd had proper sleep. There'd been some panic, quite a bit of yelling, tears (from both himself and Leia), a string of cursing and then finally Ben was there, in all his tiny, squirmy, messy and loud glory.

He'd made quite an entrance, screaming at the top of his lungs but one gentle kiss from Leia had been all he needed to calm down, eventually allowing himself to rest where he was now, his head against his mother's neck. Han had done his best to clean him up with one hand while Leia had soothingly stroked his dark hair, gently cooing him to sleep with a soft voice he'd never heard his wife use before.

Now Ben was safely curled up in his mother's arms, wrapped up in a blanket and resting safely against Leia's skin. His little hand rested in a tiny fist against her collarbone, and Han smiles faintly at his pink cheeks, pursed lips slightly opened as he breathes slowly in and out.

He lets his eyes flicker up to his wife's face, feeling his heart swell instantly in his chest. Leia looked so at ease, a nice contrast to how panicked she'd seemed for hours beforehand. Her hair was pulled up in a haphazard bun that Han had managed to do one handed while she'd been adjusting Ben in her arms earlier, and now it fell in wisps and tangles around her head.

Her cheeks were flushed the same color as Ben's, the bottom of her chin resting delicately on the top of their son's head. He rose and fell with each breath that she took, rhymically up and down while Han rested his head back against his pillow.

"Happy Life Day," he murmurs softly, reaching over with one hand and running a fingertip very delicately over Ben's cheek. His son stirs slightly but doesn't wake, wrinkling his nose a bit and Han grins. His eyes flicker up to Leia's face, watching her pink lips open to a yawn, her eyes still shut.

"If you wake him, I'll kill you," she whispers, and Han watches a sleepy smile spread across her face before she's opening those gorgeous dark eyes and he feels weak all over again. "I'd rather not do that on a holiday."

Han smirks at that, inching himself closer to Leia's side until his head is sharing her pillow once more, his chin resting on top of her shoulder.

"Any other day is fine though, right?" Leia huffs out a faint laugh, nodding her head a bit and reaching up to stroke Ben's hair.

"Absolutely," she agrees, turning her head to meet his gaze. Her eyelashes are inches away from his own, their noses practically touching and Leia grins despite herself; Han watches her cheeks flush bright red and he feels like his heart could burst. "Not today, though."

Han simply stares at her for a few moments, holding her gaze in a comfortable silence and the two of them don't need any words to communicate what they're both thinking.

_You make me so happy._

_You mean so much to me._

_You're the love of my life, and then some._

_I can't imagine life getting better than this._

_Don't ever go._

_I want to stay here forever._

_Leia._

_Han._

"I love you."

"I know."

**Author's Note:**

> happy ending!!!!! love that for them!!!!!
> 
> thank you so much for reading, please leave kudos/comments if you feel so inclined to. i will try to be back soon! i had a lot of fun writing this. 
> 
> natalie


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